ricardo cross

Long story short, I am a 26 year old dude trying to make it in this crazy world. I blog to express all my emotions, from the musical to the fashionable and even the personal. It helps me take my mind off certain things and get my head straight.

Lent, thoughts of death & embracing loneliness

So lent is finally over, it’s been a tough 46 days, but I’ve managed to get through it. Even though there were some moments of weakness and temptation. But I feel cleansed and I feel a little closer to God.

The other day I found a round lump under my right chest muscle. And I immediately thought the worst. I always do. So I went to the doctor and he was new there so he couldn’t give me a concrete answer. So they made me make an appointment at an x-ray clinic.
Whilst waiting for them to contact me, I’ve been having thoughts of how it would be to die. What I would do if I found out I only had a few months left. I’ve had a good life. I had a fantastic childhood. My family has always been there for me. I’ve experienced love. I’ve done the freaky stuff.
So a part of me kind of wants there to be an end to my life soon.
But at the same time I haven’t done everything I wanted to do. I want to finish college, get a good job with a high salary, meet my dream girl, start a family, watch my dad meet my son for the first time, watch my brothers get married and die of old age.

Anyways, lately I’ve been learning to enjoy my own company. To embrace the loneliness. Because once you learn to be by yourself and enjoy your own company, you’ll appreciate the company of others much more.

R.

Lent and easter is over. I feel clean, I feel fresh and I feel like a new man. #lent #fasting #jesuswalkswithme #neida #joda

Lent and easter is over. I feel clean, I feel fresh and I feel like a new man. #lent #fasting #jesuswalkswithme #neida #joda

#vanity

#vanity

A time for change - lent, cleansing & a new start

"and He was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him." - Mark 1:13

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The first month of the new year has pasted, and I’ve been reflecting a lot over the choices I’ve made the past years. Many of them were mistakes, and I can’t help wonder, if I never made those mistakes, would my life be better now? But why ponder over the past, I’ve decided to look towards the future. 

My friends know that I believe in God. They know I was raised as a catholic. But at this moment in my life, I’ve never been further away from God.
Surely I’ve talked to him some times. But I haven’t made any effort or sacrifice to show my faith. Therefore, I have decided to lent and give up some vices that have made my life worse in many ways. 

1. Drugs: they have no reason to be in my life at all, they damage the body and give a false reality in which I escape to sometimes.

2. Alcohol: I have overabused this substance to the point where I’ve made mistakes and said terrible things, it destroys the body from the inside and provides no help when abuse it.

3. Tobacco: another substance made to abuse and be addicted to by manmade corporations, I’ve tried to quit so many times, this time will be the one.

4. Sexual relations: having sex before marriage is against the word of God, but it also destroys the connection that can be made with a person from the opposite sex. The last time i fasted from sexual relations (no fondling, no jerking off, no touching, no kissing) I met my ex-girlfriend. New love arose at that time, because sex was taken out of the picture.

The fasting shall start on ash wednesday (March 5th) and last until easter (April 20th), in total lasting 46 days. It won’t be easy, but with enough willpower and strength, I will get through this. 
I do this to show faith, and to become a better person.

“Lord Jesus, your word is life and joy for me. Fill me with your Holy Spirit that I may have the strength and courage to embrace your will in all things and to renounce whatever is contrary to it.”
Strength from God in resisting temptation

I will be updating the journey weekly, when it starts, a month from now.

Journals by Justin Bieber, collected in one playlist, since they haven’t released the whole album on Spotify. I also included “Wait for a minute” with Tyga and JB, cause it’s a cool song.

(Source: Spotify)

January 30th 2014 - The day I got my first tattoo

To my future son or daughter, today I went and got a tattoo. I’ve been planning it for a while, but a friend of a friend was in town and he’s a really talented artist so I took a chance and went to get my ink on. It hurt just a little at the start but after sitting down for 6 hours, i started to really feel it. I haven’t told your grandparents yet, your grandma will be supportive as always, but I’m not sure how your grandfather will react. He’s an old-fashioned guy. 

I chose to have the archangel Michael defeating the devil on my left arm, I was raised a catholic and it meant a lot to me because I’m a true believer of the fact that good always defeats evil.
If you ever decide to get a tattoo yourself, make it something tasteful, and not before you turn 18, other than that, go for it.

Love, 

your dad.

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College Dropout #tb #whereitallstarted #yeezy #kanyewest #classic @privatekanye @aleemusicofficial @marcusonly @champagnepapi @kingpush @realmrrager @bigsean

College Dropout #tb #whereitallstarted #yeezy #kanyewest #classic @privatekanye @aleemusicofficial @marcusonly @champagnepapi @kingpush @realmrrager @bigsean

Late night organ donor #yeezus #girl #goodmorning #brunette #misterygirl #beautiful #gjetthvem

Late night organ donor #yeezus #girl #goodmorning #brunette #misterygirl #beautiful #gjetthvem

Ode to my x

A song/rap I wrote while holding a lot of anger towards my ex girlfriend.

VERSE

Oh how I miss the taste of your lips / that body / and the way you moved those hips 
But there is one thing you should know / that rotten taste downstairs / like you was some dirty hoe
I ant tryin’ to be mean / just sayin’ you should get some vaseline 

HOOK             

This is an ode to my ex
Oh ooh oh how I miss your sex 
This a tale about the one
She said I was always wrong
She made me write this song
The one chick that broke my heart
Ooh yeah she broke my heart

VERSE

And when we were together / yeah I fucked a bitch or two / one of them was your friend / try and guess who
Haha
Worst part about this whole relationship / was the way you pushed me towards other poon / oh my god how can I say this shit / I need to stop this hate - anytime soon
But it’s true girl you were a total witch / this may be an ode to you / but I’ve found myself a better bitch

HOOK

This is an ode to my ex
Oh ooh oh how I miss your sex  
This a tale about the one
She said I was always wrong 
She made me write this song 
The one chick that broke my heart
Ooh yeah she broke my heart

Dedicated to my best friend, the Labrador retriever called Rex. Rest in piece my friend.

RIP Rex | June 2000 - January 2nd 2014

RIP Rex | June 2000 - January 2nd 2014

Everyone has a dark side, I like to  embrace mine. #darkside #evilthoughts #sinful

Everyone has a dark side, I like to embrace mine. #darkside #evilthoughts #sinful

Moving forward..

I’ve finally found an apartment in Oslo, granted its only until February, but it will do for now. I’ve also started seeing this girl and things are pretty awesome between us. She likes me for who I am, and she has a cool sense of humor and we get along great! So things are moving forward and really starting to take shape. 

I’ve also started studying for the exams in December, if I keep that going, I’ll have the grades that I want, no doubt. Things are finally going my way.

Happy Halloween!